some days are just like that + why tears are good for you

A weepy day yesterday -- don't like to journal during that - only after - after reflecting.

Started in the wee hours of the morning when I was shocked awake by some dream about spiders. ICK. Then it seemed to progress throughout the day. While typing an email, while rushing kids from school to religious education classes, while sitting through the parent's "spirituality session" in the chapel {the one I had forgotten all about!} Thats where the tears really started to flow. Rushing home knowing I had to get home to whip up a quick & simple dinner so we could make it to our first girl scout's meeting by 6pm. I was exhausted by the end of the day. not physically -- mentally.

And you know, it was all because I was thinking about my grandmother. {uh-oh, here i go again} She passed away 8 years ago yesterday and all day I knew she would want me to say a little prayer. And I kept pushing it back to later in the day, or after I got the kids to school. I miss her dearly. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her at least once. I didn't light a candle, as is customary for our family. This is because little guy makes it a little tough -- any time he sees a lite candle he thinks "birthday" and wants to immediately blow it out. I'm sure grandmother {nonna} understands this though.

The quiet prayer and reflection time in the chapel was just what I needed. The person leading the group talked about how we live by, and drive ourselves nuts by, the "ought to's" in our lives. I ought do to this or I ought to do that but maybe another time. Man it really sunk in. Although I could've done without the "okay, now lets turn to each other in groups of 3 or 4 and share what the quiet prayer time felt like for you" um, there was no hiding red, wet eyes. Oh, God. People I didn't even know. So she #1 from the group asked "were they happy or sad tears?" probably trying to understand if I needed medical assessment. I share with them about being reminded of my grandmother while listening to one of the comments the women who was leading the prayer group shared. Sharing like that is not my most favorite-y thing, but it was good to just let it out there.

I felt better after that.
Feel better today.
I love you nonna, and I feel your presence sometimes.
so good to remember how you used to deal with life's little trails. With prayer and faith.
so simple.