back in the swing of things

There will be some slight changes in the blog....I just figured out I can customize my colors - duh?

Yeah it was looking a little dull.

About a month since my last post, and there is alot of stuff knocking around in my head. Sometimes when I login I don't even know what I am going to type in that small white rectangle staring at me. Blinking. I just know it must be good enough to remember if its still hanging out in the memory files after a month. At school, the kids are being taught about writing using a "BANG Beginning" So something pops into my head...what would my bang beginning be if I was going to write at this moment? I wonder...

"In the first month of my 40th year......" I crack myself up. I imagined a big voice-over saying that.

But its not that far from where I would like to start -- seems like since I turned 40 all I can think about is my health. What's that pain? I feel it here too. Is chest pain always bad? Why does this fat not go away? What about my heart? When was the last cholesterol check? I think about moms that die too young. and so on. Oh yeah, the list goes on. But I keep feeling like my glands on my neck are achy or swollen and slight chest twitches come and go. Mostly I love it when they go and I get to forget about it again. So I guess its time to stop putting off going to the doctor. I am the classic case of not going to the doctor, taking care of everyone else's appointments first. My usual excuses.... "cuz I'm just not that sick" "they can't give me anything anyway."

All month its been slammin' me in the face...reports about women and heart disease on the news, in the news, good teeth health=good health, on the radio, in my car, while shopping for scrapbook supplies, on msn. Oh yeah and then one day, one day where I wasn't even thinking {obsessing} about it...a bright { and I mean really bright neon} neon pink flyer in the mail "Free Health Screenings in your Area" hmmmm, okay, okay could all be someone just trying to give me a sign. I hate going to the doctor. There I said it. I'm a baby.

So I decide i have to have a grown up attitude and remember to think about the relief that will set in once all the bad thoughts have been put to rest. Or maybe some new ones will take their place.
:)

I linger in the white rectangle a bit.....sure I want to post some crafts I have been working on, or cute pictures of the kids. But I can do that next time. The little one needs me. I have milk being sploshed all over the table in the living room. On purpose. The little one needs me --- yep, they need me. What better reason to suck it up and just go to the doc. What better reason do I need? why have I waited this long?

New version of blogger is so cool -- I can label all my ramblings with neat little categories...but what do I label this one --- fear of death? fear of dying? chicken?